the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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