I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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