You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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