I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
