He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
