Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
