I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wear drunk well.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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