I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
