she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
