That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
