After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
