What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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