I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just had sex bonerless
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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