I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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