Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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