let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
