I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
