$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize