so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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