It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
