You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
