If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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