They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
