just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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