2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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