they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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