I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I believe in your delicious
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
