So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
