my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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