Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Randomize
