my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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