my vag is so smooth its legendary
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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