I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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