Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
