(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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