Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
