I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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