Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
