Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
