the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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