my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
