whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
