i would punch a child for taco bell
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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