He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
