Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
