They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
