Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
