Swine flu. Run for my life!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
