I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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