i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
