hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
