i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize