they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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