...so i touched it.
I wish I only lived at night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
