I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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