just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
