I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
