I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
