So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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