i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
