mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
