did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
