I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
