Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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