My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dear god my vagina.
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