how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize