Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
