I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize