He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
