we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
