I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
