I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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