So drunk its hurt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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