how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize