Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize