If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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