I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
