he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
