what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I want is dick and wine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
