Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
