Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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