I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
