I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
