i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
