Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
