dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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