Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
