I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize