I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
