She said her name was "party"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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