yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was like eating out sand paper
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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