Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
