Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
