I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
