rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize