Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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