So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
