If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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