Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
