Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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